About my Writing 

Heresy is defined by Merriam-Webster as “adherence to a religious opinion contrary to church dogma” and a heretic is the person who holds such an opinion. The word conjures images in my brain of the Spanish Inquisition, or perhaps burning cunning woman as witches. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake after a conviction of heresy. Merriam-Webster’s initial definition of Dismantling has two parts: “to disconnect the pieces of” and “to destroy the integrity or functioning of.” It is this second definition that interests me more in this moment in history. However, when we take things apart, we can look at those disconnected pieces and in the looking, if we are curious, we can see how they fit together, how they work together and how they can be changed. When we change things, we at times destroy the integrity of those things; we impact how they function. Dismantling is a process of change. What if those things we dismantle are commonly accepted as necessary and true? What if they constituted a modern and secular dogma of sorts? What if the person doing the dismantling, taking the pieces apart does so in an effort to shed light and increase understanding? What if that person adhered to opinions contrary to the status quo? Would that person be a heretic? How would we respond to that person?

I think I might be that person.

I think I might be a heretic.

Heretical Dismantling is a collection of my thoughts on a variety of topics based on my experiences as an incredibly privileged white lady born in and living in the United States of America in 2021. I have been extensively educated, trained, and socialized in the world of healthcare as both a registered nurse and advance practice nurse. I have a tremendous amount of student loan debt and a mortgage. I have been married and divorced, more than once. I have cared for and even raised other people’s children. I have traveled internationally not an insignificant amount as both a tourist and medical volunteer. I have had interests I feel passionate about. I like to read, and I try to write something most days, even if it’s only a few words in my journal. I love the outdoors, I love nature, I love all the ways my body can engage in the natural world.

I Love being Alive.

I remember being a teenager and being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. At some point I came up with an answer that felt true with what then seemed like the appropriate amount of teen snark: I want to be happy. My mother loved this answer. I think it made her quite proud. She told me once that a family friend who was dying of cancer had asked her about me and what I was up to as I crossed the threshold into adulthood. “She says she wants to be happy.” The woman smiled I was told, and responded “Good answer.”

I think what I was trying to figure out back then was how to do what Brené Brown calls “wholehearted living.” I think it is also the impossible quest of the Boddhisatva, or Openhearted Warrior, of Buddhism. I read about these ideas and I recognize them as what I have been searching for.

A common thread that runs through these ideas is curiosity. Part of my process of curiosity is piecing things together at the slowed down pace of thinking facilitated by writing. Heretical Dismantling is a project to disassemble ideas and then connect the dots of my life and what I have learned so far about those ideas. It is part of my quest for finding meaning and peace with my understanding…or more poignantly, my lack of understanding.